Chase your caffeine with water, trust me.

If you're anything like me, coffee isn't a drink, it's breakfast and lunch and if I'm feeling impulsive, dinner. Unfortunately, drinking so much caffeine can take a toll on you're body. It can cause bloating because you're body is trying to retain water due to dehydration. 

When you're shedding pounds and the scale is going down, it can seem like utter BULLSHIT to bloat to the size of a whale. Thats why its important to drink a shit ton of water. Seriously, for every cup of coffee have like 3 of water. It seems weird to try and get rid of water weight by drinking more. But the more water you push in, the more your body can push out! 

Holiday update +thinspo

"You want me to eat thanksgiving meal..and then leftovers?!"

Lets all just take a moment to exhale. It was a crazy couple of days, but the most fattening holiday is over and I, and hopefully you, can scurry back to our safe havens and starve our hearts away. Yesterday was my first day back on eating normally, my family brought me to taco bell and I got a chicken soft taco, opened it up and ate the lettuce only. I'm sad but slightly relieved to say I got out of the two thanksgiving with only 3 LBs gained. So if I dont eat today they will hopefully be gone by tuesday. I can't wait to go back to my dorm room where junk food is non existent and me and my roomie strive for empty perfection. But there's a catch-- my dad wants to take me grocery shopping today. Fuck fuck fuck. I'll try and stick with cans of soup and fruit as much as I can without giving him any clues, because this time I'm a much smarter dieter then I was in the past. In the past my family would catch on and make me gain weight in like a week. This time, they don't expect anything. And they can't see me when I'm away at college, they can't see the progress I'm making. 

So heres the plan. My next break starts DEC. 15. That gives me 20 days. If I eat below 400 on each of these days, I can be down to 114 in 20. Fingers crossed! Maybe these past few days of eating pure shit have been good because I'll drop weight right past that 120 plateu I dreaded oh so much.

AND NOW... for thinspo + thoughts

lets make this christmas a skinny one

the one in the back is about to get attacked. 

I mean why not set up the tree in your undies when youre this skinny

I've known girls that look thin in a bunch of layers. I hated those girls.

fragile.. oh so fragile

 I love bestie thinspo because it remind me of me and my roomie (she gets pictures to remind her of our goal daily, hehe)

Oh how i LONG for skinny arms and rib bones to show in my chest

How I feel when people say "you need to eat."

My stomach use to look concave like this when I layed down. Maybe at 110 <3

Update

Okay so thanksgiving one (moms) is out of the way. Now I have 2 days of fasting and then on to dads thanksgiving. Man oh man i hope I can be good. I'm so ready for these holidays to be out of the way. I'm ready to be in my room, safe and away from food, with no one keeping tabs on me. Even my roomie has ana tendacies, so she starves with me. Its such a beautiful friendship/competition.


Big ana post coming later tonight.

xoxo
(I'm not going to start signing skinny bitch again until im 115)

Thinspo post

I should do this!!!

 Definitely don't look that thin browsing my computer...

 amazing.

skinny girl gets the guy. 

collar bones <3

progress can happen. I promise.

Fuck the haters. They're either fatter or don't want competition.

So true.. when food isn't even thought of <3

How to get through the Holidays

I know many other ana's can relate to the undeniable fear that comes hand in hand with the joy of the holidays. Thanksgiving and christmas break, while a nice little get away from classes, can also mean racking your brain for excuses and times to throw up all the food thrown at you. My goal is to get away from the holiday having gained no weight, and I've come up with a plan to do it. Last thanksgiving I threw up 11 times in one day, do you have any idea how sore my throat was?! Here's a few tips on how to survive the holidays as best you can, without having to completely sacrifice your ana ways.

1. Dont snack! Snacking is the easiest way to stack up calories.

2. On thanksgiving, eat the one meal only. Load your plate with the veggie portions and eat slow. 

3. If you can sneak off to throw up the food when everyones napping, eat green or red stuff first so you know when it all comes up.

4. Only drink water.

5. Usually people eat lots of leftovers of the holiday cooking. Don't. 

6. If you're helping bake, chew gum. Don't take bites of everything you make. 

7. Only eat when others are watching...like why else would you? 

8. Fast before and fast after. The couple days of calorie consumption will trick your metabolism if you do it between fasts.

Thats all I can think of for now.

Stay strong.

XOXO.

Quick update

Okay so my computer broke (ugh) and I ate badly for like three days straight (double-ugh) but I'll be trying to do a thinspo post ASAP!!

Stay strong skinnies <3

Love disappoints me

It's so uncontrollable. I mean, people always have their reason why YOU'RE alone. Like: "gods got the right one waiting for you." "he'll come when you least expect it, and you're too expecting." "you have to love yourself first."

Take in all the advice. Absorb it. Live it. And still desperately alone.

But then you wake up and think, "I'm not hungry today." and just like that, something's in your control. It's so easy. It's a simple math of counting calories. And mention start to stare because you look hotter the thinner you get. And for a second, you think it's the part of love you can control. Attraction.

But then you find yourself alone at night, starving. And it hits you that love doesn't matter. Your weight does.

Where is this love that everyone wants/needs/worships? Because I don't feel it and the thought of feeling it scares me. Because I won't be able to control it. I can control my hunger.

update

Finally got past the 120 hump, 119 tonight. Hopefully down to 118 tomorrow <3

All I had today was an apple (80) half a mini Hershey candy (45) and a cup of juice i threw up. I dont know if I feel like it was a good day or bad day yet.

I'll be dreaming of 115 in my sleep tonight <3

Is it too much to ask to just lay in a bed and be this fragile?